Does pain ever go?

Healing is a narrative of moving on, letting go. Of finding the thing and thus the thing will be changed, will be rewoven into some other fabric.

And with trauma, they say, this is where the repetition happens. The repetitions are because you are not healed. Are they?

Pain arises again and it is just exactly the same as it always was. And she thinks: I have no moved. And she becomes upset in that. Can't she hold it? Can't she love it enough to change it, to remember it differently, to reroute herself from this early pain, this regression.

And no.

Dark things fall over this life. She grew up with people expecting to have a schedule and a direction. She grew up with her parents making plans and being logical. No one stayed in bed and stared at the wall through the afternoon. Why does having no agenda feel

Too much

Last night her student had this feeling that emotions need a direction some time, that to have no action on them, no direction or narrative is overwhelming

Her life was open. Yet why
Did it feel like it was falling into the abyss
Why